It Takes A Village

You've heard the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child".

As I give this phrase some thought. I wonder what time period it came from. If you think back when perhaps a child was raised in a village per se, then it makes a great deal of sense. Think back in the biblical days. When you think in terms of a village you might would think more of a group of people that travel and live together while setting up villages as their homestead.

I would imagine that the group started out as a small family and over time would add spouses, and others. I'm thinking in terms of the stories in the bible that speaks of Joseph, his brothers and parents. It was common for the sons to marry and stay within the family group until their own family had grown too big.

I picture a situation like this as having one common goal and belief system of raising children. In other words, all the children were more than likely brought up learning the same things and raised in pretty much the same ways. The beliefs of the parents were passed onto the children with ease.

Now, think about how our children are being raised today. Not by you the parent, but by the village as a whole. We send our children to pre-school at an early age. I myself started the 1st grade at age 5. But think about it. We have day-care, pre-school, field trips, after school care and more than you can think about. We have television, video games, toys made by major corporations. These too are villagers helping to raise your children.

I can't help but to think that the village in general raising our children is not the same as before. It's obvious that the mindset of todays village does not share the same core beliefs and morals, yet we expose our children to them anyway. This is why I've come to hope that I can help change the way our children are being raised. I wish to simply bring awareness to the parents. Since we don't know everything our children are being exposed to since we can't be with them every single minute of the day. We can help to offset some of those indirect teachings they receive.

We can do this by constantly praising them on the good aspects of their lives that we see continously. If we do this then we can allow the children's small brains to focus more on the positive teachings and less on the other. Our brains are always making new connections between neurons. These connections are grouping everything that our 5 senses are sending to us about ourselves, our environment and every person, or thing we come in contact with.

The majority of positive affirmations that are given to a child, will cause the brain to make those connections more dominant than something they picked up at school, or from another child that called him a bad name, or a phrase he/she overheard between two adults at a restuarant. Did you know that if a child under the age of 8 or 9 over heard someone say "You are stupid". That phrase goes into the mind of the child as if it was said to them, regardless of who it was said to or about. The child's brain can not make this distinction at this point in his/her life.

My research has led me to some amazing discoveries. I use the name of Praising Your Child as our organization's corporate name because it's the only means I've found so far to help offset the indirect programming our children are receiving everyday without our knowledge. I hope you take the time to visit our website http://www.praisingyourchild.com/ and take a quick look at some of the files and research I've been putting together. I promise you won't regret it.

Let's improve on the village that is raising our children these days.

The Night My Subconscious Mind Took Over

Growing up, baseball was my favorite sport. I had been playing since I was eight years old. I knew that this was the only thing I really loved to do, and I later came to think that I was good at it. During high school, I was one of only three ninth-graders to receive a letterman jacket along with the varsity team. I was proud to wear it.

My most exciting game was during my senior year. I was the first-string catcher, and I played almost every single game. I wasn't considered a power hitter, but I was a fair hitter. My strength was in my ability to catch and perform on the field. One of the younger pitchers that I caught for, often, was so very fast, he had remarkable speed to be so young. After he graduated a year later, he signed to go professional instead of going to college. That's how fast he was!

During one particular game my senior year. Something happened that I'll always remember. Again, it was years later when I was studying psychology before I really understood what actually was taking place back then.

At the start of this particular game, the coach came up to me and said that he wanted to give the second-string catcher a chance to play, but he wanted me to stay in the line-up and hit. The second-string catcher was also a senior, but he normally played in the outfield positions. I only played the one position regularly.

This was a very unusual situation for me. It took me by surprise and it literally changed my entire mental state during that game.

I was always so accustomed to coming off the field perhaps a bit tired, having just enough time to take off the catcher’s equipment if I thought my turn to bat would come up. It would take me a few minutes to run back to the dugout and put the equipment back on, if I ended up getting a hit and running the bases. And -- I didn't like being center of attention, so I had to do this quickly or in my own eyes everyone else would already be on the field focusing and patiently waiting for me. Or so it seemed.

Because of how this particular night was going. This was the very first time I had plenty of time between times at bat. Matter of fact, I didn't have to go out onto the field at all until it was my time to bat. This was a huge change in my daily routine. It literally effected my entire mental game.

I was even given an extra bonus that night and I hadn't thought about it before.

While my teammates were on the field playing, I was sitting in the dugout with two or three girls that helped out with our score-keeping as well as collecting our bats and equipment between innings. I'm sure you already guessed it by now -- yep, one of them was a popular cheerleader for our football team as well.


She was in fact the one I had a huge crush on!

Maybe I was only one of a few she could talk to while the other players were on the field, but I didn’t care -- I was eating it up. She had never given me so much attention! I almost forgot that there was a ball game going on. That's how much I was really focused on the game consciously.

I wasn't scheduled to bat until 5th or 6th in the line-up as I recall. Again, I wasn't a power hitter or I would have been 3rd or 4th. Matter of fact, in the past I seemed to be always focusing too hard on trying to hit the ball and on the fact that I was nervous at bat, that it was really effecting my true potential. Again, focusing on what I didn't want rather than focusing on what I wanted. See, I knew I was so nervous each time up at bat that I was always focusing on how nervous I would get during certain situations. It must have been my conscious mind focusing on hitting the ball and my unconscious mind focusing on my nervousness.

This night however was different. I was focused (consciously) on nothing but this girl. When I finally came up to bat, all I could think about was how she had just asked me to hit one for her. I was so relaxed that the first time up to bat I had to be swinging from within my subconscious mind, since I was focusing my conscious mind on her. Well, you guessed it. I swung the bat at the first good pitch and hit that ball right out of the park – HOMERUN!! No, wait, it was really a GRANDSLAM. I didn't even realize that the bases were loaded, so when I hit it, four runs actually scored!

For a split second while I was rounding those bases, my nervousness started to come back to me, but it wasn't long before I was back to where I was before -- in the dugout, talking with my dream date.

Next time up to bat, you wouldn't believe it. Bases loaded again. What were those odds? By then, even the other girls were making comments like "Hit one for me". I wasn't myself that day, that's for sure. It was obvious. My conscious thoughts were offtrack and my subsconious was relaxed enough to take over for me.

By the third pitch I had hit another GRANDSLAM. Another four runs scored!

Ok, third time up to bat. I'll admit it. My nervousness must have hit me strong by this time. Talk about being the center of attention -- I had every eye on me this time around. (It was all I could think about now.) Well, I hit the ball. It went straight up and actually fell just between the pitcher and the second baseman. But neither caught it, and I made it to first base in time for a single. A very humble single. It wasn't pretty but it was recorded as a single. Three for three so far, as they would say. Batting a thousand for the game.

My fourth time up to bat. I must have been back to my sub-conscious mode once more. Thinking again about my dream date back in the dugout. All I wanted to do was to get back to that dugout to be with her. Bases were empty. But with one hit, a SINGLE HOMERUN. I ran those bases on cloud nine -- I couldn't believe the game I was having. I couldn't believe the NIGHT I was having! We were only friends but she never gave me so much attention than that one particular day during that one particular game.

I will always remember that game for the rest of my life. We won, 13 - 6. I was given credit for nine of those runs.


The next day at school, they announced my name over the loudspeaker. Headlines even came out in the Clarion Ledger Newspaper and the Jackson Daily News "Hilton Grands for FH". They wrote up a nice little article on all the games played that night and started the article with the first two or three paragraphs and headline about me. I graduated from Forest Hill High School in 1978 with those wonderful memories.

Years later, while reading a book called "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins, I discovered a bit of truth about that particular night.

Sometimes we can hold ourselves back from really reaching our true potential when all the time we have what it takes already hidden inside us. Our subconscious mind is the real source of our true potential. Unfortuately we've programmed our subconscious to react in certain situations that work against us rather than for us. This fear or nervousness was programmed into me during my early years of childhood development and it was on automatic pilot each time.

Think about it. I had been playing baseball since I was eight years old. I had swung that bat a million times. My subconscious already knew how to swing that bat perfectly after years of practice. In fact, I was holding myself back by allowing my fears to control the situation. It only took one simple change in my daily routine to prove that to me. It's that simple to break a pattern. You have to make a change that will alter your daily routines. This will allow your subconscious to take back over and produce some amazing results.

This is a story that I will always cherish and I use it when I'm teaching other parents about the incredible power behind the subconscious mind. If you haven't looked at it yet. Visit our nonprofit organizational website http://www.praisingyourchild.com

They See Everything

One of my happiest momemts when my son was around 6 or 7 years old... (it's been awhile) so I'm guessing here. Although, I do remember he was very young and that's what surprised me a bit.

My wife and I along with our son Kyle, was walking out of the shopping mall. We got about 25 feet from the door and I turned and he was not behind us. My heart dropped for just a minute and then as I turned back to look at the door. He was standing there holding the door for some of the people that were coming out behind us.

Where did that come from. I couldn't have been more proud as a father. He had seen us do it for others in the past but no words were ever exchanged about it. The opportunity arrived and he responded like minded. The couple made a big fuss over it and we both as parents lit up like christmas trees.

Children are watching... and in time they will show you a reflection of yourself in many ways because they get alot from you. More than you think they do.

It also reminds of another time in church where another couple must have felt the exact same way. It was during church and the smaller children had come back into the building from having (small church). They were carrying balloons and they must have had a good time.

During the service, just as the pastor was giving his sermon. A young girl sitting in the second row, to the right of isle, her balloon popped. You could have thought the world had just ended. Everyone jumped. Then without even a thought from anyone, a young boy walked over from the pews to the left and handed her his balloon and then walked back to his seat. No one expected it and by the faces of his parents, especially them. They had to have felt the same way I did. It brought the most beautiful sigh from the entire church.

I believe more was taken from that service in that one moment than anything else the entire service.

As I study and research more and more about child development and how our children are growing up with self-image issues at times, it makes me think of times like these and I wonder just what all they are picking up from us as parents. My research has shown me that our children have inherited our belief patterns as a starter and then they slowly grow up but it's those early belief patterns that effect how they grow as adults.

Our belief patterns were also inherited from our parents, grandparents, environment and our surroundings. If there is anything about your life, you don't like, in most cases your children will grow up with the same belief patterns. They are watching and it's effecting their lives.

Those moments I shared in these two stories are happy moments, but they didn't happen every day. Although, every day our children are picking up signals that are also being made apart of their lives.

I always wonder what more I could have done. My son is now 22 years old. He still makes me proud but I still wonder what I could have done better.

Early Influences Will Stay With Your Child

As I'm sitting here in my office, I'm looking at what I believe is my favorite picture of my son. It's a closeup of him playing outside on a small plastic slide. He's been playing in the water and he takes to climbing that slide like he's been doing it for years, although he wasn't very old at the time. I use that same picture on our nonprofit website and the raising positive children group site as well. It has become one of my favorites.

As I think back on those times, it dawned on me that his early influences took on a permanent role in his life. For example, the slide was actually a plastic elephant that stood about 2 feet tall. Three small steps in the back that allowed him to walk up while holding onto the ears of the elephant and then he would slide down what appeared to be his trunk. When you stood back and looked at the slide it was one big elephant head.

Later on, when we wanted to start our son playing tee-ball. We went shopping for a baseball glove. We were looking at all the brown leather gloves and then he came to us with the one he wanted. It was a green glove with ninja turtles all over it.

I played baseball all my life and was considered a jock in high school so you can imagine my surprise. We bought the glove he wanted and you can imagine what the team photo looks like. He's the only one with a cartoon version baseball glove. At an early age he was showing signs of what his true passion was and it wasn't baseball. We never pushed him to play sports again. We saw that it was what we wanted for him, not what he wanted.

Later in life, my old baseball friends couldn't believe that my son wasn't playing baseball. They thought it would a have been a natural fit since all their sons were playing ball. We decided not to force sports on him but to see what he would naturally choose as his passion.

I'm glad we did, because it was just a few years later that he showed us what he wanted to do with his life. He became an artist and he loves to this day, to draw cartoons. He's one of the top cartoonist at his school. He's now in his 5th year in college and he's simply amazing.

While we like going down memory lane with him. We are also reminded of the day we took him to a local photographer to have his high school senior portraits made. After we were just about done, he walked over to his mother and asked if he could have one more picture taken but it was going to be a joke. He told her that he had worn his "Cat in the Hat" boxers and he wanted to take a picture of him standing with his tuxedo top, boxers and sock feet. We were surprised that he would even have the guts to ask the photographer if he could drop his pants.

It turned out to be such a photo that paints his nature that we ended up making that our christmas card for the year and sent it to all our friends. They appreciated it because they knew our son's own personality as well.

So remember, our early influences on our children will make a more lasting impression than you might would think.

Announcing "Parents Raising Positive Children Group"

In an effort to help bring awareness to our mission and cause at Praising Your Child, Inc., we are forming a local group for Mississippi parents.

We are now forming a new face-to-face group using a custom meetup.com website where parents can logon and communicate with other members and post comments and download files while also getting information on upcoming meetings. Meetings where local parents can get together face-to-face and discuss further the topic of the group.

Praising Your Child, Inc. is sponsoring such a group. It's called "Parents Raising Positive Children Group". It's a group in Jackson, Mississippi where members are residences of Mississippi that want to learn more or share information with others about how to raise positive children in what appears to be a negative world.

We encourage all parents to join. It doesn't matter if your children are all grown up and have families of their own or if your children are newborns. We all can learn and share our experiences while benefiting one another.

You can review the groups website at:

http://www.meetup.com/Parents-Raising-Positive-Children/

We have sent out news releases to the media in hopes of getting the word out about the new group but you can also help us out by sending emails to friends that you feel would like to be apart of it.

Introduction to Praising Your Child, Inc.

Hi to all you parents.

I want to introduce you to a non-profit organization in Mississippi called Praising Your Child, Inc. Please take the time to visit our website at http://www.praisingyourchild.com

We believe that a child's early stages of brain development is very critical. It is these stages that begin to create a child's belief system. A belief in his/her own limitations. You might be surprised to learn that the brain is still under development up into the early teenage years of children.

A child's surroundings and the words they are exposed to on a daily basis during these stages of development is the key. The key to their success in growing up with a good self-esteem, a good self-confidence level.

Our Children are being programmed for success or failure during these stages. Not just financial success or failure as they become adults, but success and failure of fitting in to society, to gaining friends, to acheiving a healthy lifesyle or not and every other thing they will encounter during their life time.

It's critical that we use praise as a means to offset some of these early programming that leads to failure and set some new positive programming in our child's mindset.